


Just So Long and Long Enough.

by CountlessUntruths (KaliCephirot)



Category: Half Life Trilogy - Sally Green
Genre: Fix-It, Happily Ever After, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, half lost didn't happen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-31
Updated: 2017-03-31
Packaged: 2018-10-13 04:33:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10506384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaliCephirot/pseuds/CountlessUntruths
Summary: " It's not even so much for the festival, Gabriel thinks. While it would be good to be around more people again, it's what it'd represent for Nathan, for them, why he wants to go. Being able to go on a date, have a fun night out without having to fear someone might want to kill either of them. Maybe even convincing his boyfriend of dancing a little with him, although Gabriel is aware that that might be a little too much.But just getting thechanceto do so...





	

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write a small, simple domestic bit of fluff because I missed writing these guys. Instead I wrote over 3k and had a little bit of everything. Ah well.

Mr. Jones fumes at Gabriel before he closes the door. His wife laughs, dark eyes merry as she shakes her head, taking the bag of zucchini and tomatoes that Gabriel brings.

"Did I say something?" Gabriel asks.

"Oh, dear, never you mind Rhys," Mrs. Jones says. "He's just jealous, the big oaf."

"Jealous," Gabriel repeats, trying to not sound as amused as he is. "Of me."

"Mmhmm."

"He does know I'm gay, right?" Gabriel asks, unable to stop his smile. The one time he had convinced Nathan to accompany him to the village so he could get more art material, they had held hands for the whole day. If Gabriel hadn't kissed him in public, it had been out of respect for Nathan's painful - sometimes violent - shyness, and not out of either of them being closeted or particularly minding what the people in Dolgellau might think of them. 

"Oh, of course he does, dear," Mrs. Jones says, laughing. Gabriel is always a little reminded of Rose with her, likes to imagine that, had Rose stayed alive and grown up further than twenty three, she might have ended up as her. "But... well, I suppose it's a little flattering. He thinks I'm beautiful enough that I could tempt you into straightness."

She laughs, but Gabriel doesn't, just in case he'd offend her and risk losing their best supplier. He grins at her joke, but then he bows low and takes hold of her hand, kissing her knuckles and offers her his best, most charming smiley. 

"I promise you, if I ever entertain thoughts of bisexuality and I'm no longer madly in love with my boyfriend, I shall come and steal you away."

"Oh, you, now stop that!" Mrs. Jones laughs again and pushes his face a little. "And speaking of your lad, tell me, are you bringing him to the festival?"

Gabriel offers her a closed lip smile. "We're still thinking about it, if Nathan's health allows him to."

What he really means is that he hasn't told Nathan about it. Their little cottage is far away enough and well protected with enough wards and disguises that only the people they have invited might find it, and Nathan, who still distrusts a ninety percent of the world population, still is too paranoid to come often to the town. Which means that he hasn't seen the town getting ready for Sesiwn Fawr and Gabriel has very carefully not mentioned it either. 

Mrs. Jones sighs. "Oh, right, your boyfriend's migraines. Is he any better now, love?"

"Yes, much. The peace and quiet has helped him tremendously."

That much is true. After the war was over, with Celia's torn body in front of them and Nathan frozen, covered in her blood, Gabriel had been so certain that Nathan was never going to come back to himself again. As soon as Greatorex signed for Nathan's official pardon (with Arran angrily muttering that it should be an official apology from the Council, and Gabriel agreeing with him) Van had helped them settle down in Dolgellau, in a small cottage that was barely five kilometers away from Llyn Cau and Cadair Idris. 

That had helped Nathan. The solitude, the freedom to roam as either he or his animal, to run until even he was exhausted, even just being able to finally allow himself to mourn. 

About three months after they got there, Nathan started a vegetable garden. A month after that, he laughed. After six months, Nathan asked Gabriel if he could get him some painting supplies. 

It's been a year after that. And, with no witches at all living in Dolgellau, the only thing Gabriel had been able to think about to explain about Nathan was that he was recovering from a car crash and head trauma.

"Best air in England I've always said," Mrs. Jones says with a decisive nod, finishing packing a bit of cheese and some coffee. "Don't you worry, love. A little more of peace, quiet and clean air, we'll have your lad as well as new in no time."

"Thank you, Mrs. Jones."

"Love, if you do decide to come, be sure to stop by for a pint," Mrs. Jones adds with a wink. "Nothing some beer can't fix."

**

The walk back would have been long if not for a hidden cut Nathan made for them. Gabriel does make sure to be seen walking out of town, and then he ducks back until he finds the place, taking a deep breath and holding it, keeping his eyes closed. 

He opens them as he steps out, shaking his head to clear off the nausea, walking the bit that's left until their cottage appears. There's no electricity this far up, which works just fine for them both, and Gabriel can't stop himself from smiling as he sees the changes they've been making, the potted plants and Nathan's small garden on the side, the rocking chair he usually sits on to read during the afternoon, the bed they made over the side. 

There's not much to the inside to see, all the cottage consisting of two rooms, and one of them being the bathroom. Nathan looks up from where he's cutting vegetables and adding them to a pan with a chicken already on it.

"Mrs. Jones said that they're out of flour, but that it should arrive either tomorrow or the day after, and that she'll keep some for us," Gabriel says as he puts the things away: more candles, oil for the lamps, paper...

Nathan makes a noise to let him know he listened, still cutting up potatoes and carrots. 

"Have I mentioned how grateful I am that you know how to cook yet?" he asks, pushing himself to sit on the table. 

"I've tasted what you cook," Nathan deadpans, finally putting the chicken in the oven. "I'm fucking grateful I know how to cook, too."

"Brat," Gabriel grins, not really offended because, other than making a mean cup of coffee and buttering up croissants like a pro, it's true. When Nathan passes by his side, he traps him with his legs, making him smile. "Hey."

"I want to wash my hands," Nathan says, but he's almost smiling, his eyes soft. 

"Later," Gabriel says, leaning close for a kiss. 

Nathan sighs against his lips, his arms wrapping loosely around his waist. Gabriel makes a contented hum, nibbling at Nathan's lip for a moment before he deepens the kiss, hugging his legs against his waist to bring him closer. 

He'd only meant for the kiss to be teasing, but he hadn't taken into consideration Nathan's own hunger for this, because Nathan shivers against him and then his arms tighten around him, hands going to what they can touch of his bum, deepening the kiss, making *him* moan.

This isn't new and yet it's something that Gabriel can't get used to (doesn't want to get used to). Not only Nathan wanting him back as badly as Gabriel wants him, not only Nathan showing it, but how soft, how focused Nathan gets on this, with him, each and every time touching him as if it might be the last time he does it. 

It undoes him in ways that Gabriel knows no poet nor writer has ever managed to describe. 

He breaks away from the kiss with a small gasp, trying to push Nathan away so he can get down from the table and at the same time take off Nathan's shirt.

"Oi, fuck off," Nathan, ever the charmer says, with the same hint-of-a-smile from before. "I was busy here, making dinner,"

"Oh, please, that chicken is not going to be ready until an hour at the soonest," Gabriel says, finally managing to make Nathan lift his arms to strip his shirt off him. "Plenty of time."

Nathan snorts, and his eyes look merry.

"And you say _I'm_ not romantic," Nathan says, but before Gabriel can tell him that Nathan _isn't_ , Nathan is kissing him again, helping him take off his shirt and then moving for his belt, the two of them dropping clothes without taking notice where, until they're both naked on the couch, Nathan on top of him, and Gabriel can stretch up to lick where Nathan's pulse beats, blindly reaching for the lube that *has* to be between the cushions because after one too many times where it wasn't and they had to improvise, it simply seemed easier. . 

"Ah, fuck," Nathan moans, shivering a little as Gabriel finally slides a slicked up finger in, Gabriel breathes against his neck up until Nathan nods. "Go on".

It's easy to just do that, and Gabriel keeps stretching Nathan open around his fingers, _Nathan_ moving against Gabriel's hands and fucking himself and giving soft gasps and moans, Nathan's cock grinding against his, Nathan's eyes closed in pleasure, barely even giving a small shiver when Gabriel adds a second and then a third finger. 

"Fuck, Gabriel," Nathan moans, hands tight around his shoulders. It would be too easy for Gabriel to say something like 'that's the idea', so he kisses Nathan's jaw, the spot beneath his ear that always makes him squirm. "You waiting for a, ahh, f-fucking invitation?"

Gabriel laughs, even if it's a little breathless. "Well, when you are so charming giving one, how could I not?"

He laughs again as Nathan flips him over, and there's a small moment of awkwardly arranging each other, him holding his cock, until Nathan gets the angle and Gabriel can push just right and Gabriel moans out loud. 

“Oh god,” Nathan says, quietly, gasping. “Fuck, Gabriel. More.”

“Sure?” Gabriel asks out of use, waiting until Nathan nods and leans back a little. Gabriel slides his hands up Nathan's thighs, curling one hand around his cock, and Nathan gives a quiet little gasp.

Nathan is quiet, most of the times, when they do this. Little moans and gasps, whispers that are for Gabriel alone. Gabriel lets Nathan set the rhythm, lets Nathan fuck himself against him, against his hand and he tries so, so hard not to stare.

Nathan gasps, head thrown back, giving Gabriel a perfect clear spot so he can lean over and bite and nibble at the skin over his neck, opposite of where the N 0.5 tattoo still is and leave a hickey that, Gabriel knows, won't last long, giving him opportunity to do it again, and again (and truly, Gabriel never thought that having a boyfriend with such great healing factor would be wonderful in so many ways) and Nathan moans his name.

"Are you going to come?" Gabriel asks, biting his lip, knowing that no-matter how many times they do this he'll always look at Nathan and try to remember everything. "Are you close, Nathan?"

Nathan curses again and then nods, giving a moan. Gabriel strokes him a little faster, letting Nathan chase his own orgasm, shivering with Nathan when Nathan's come splatters over his stomach. And then it's only a matter of holding tightly to Nathan's hips, pushing inside twice, *thrice* before Gabriel is coming too, leaning heavily against Nathan's collarbones, Nathan threading careful fingers against his hair while they both catch their breaths. 

Gabriel wasn't completely aware of what he was thinking, before, in the back of his mind, up until Nathan moves a little away from him to see him and smile. Nathan's smiles are soft and small but they no longer look brittle, nor forced. There are still nightmares, and from what Arran has told them, it's likely that there'll always be, but they don't happen daily, not anymore. 

Both he and Nathan shiver when Nathan moves to stand up and Gabriel makes an useless grab for him. "Nooo, where are you going, come baaack"

Nathan snorts, picking up his jeans and shirt. "Thanks to a certain asshole, I have to go and wash up again."

"I seem to remember a certain someone asking for more, and there, and 'fuck, Gab--'," Gabriel pretends to wonder out loud, laughing as Nathan throws him his shirt on his way to the bathroom. 

By the time Nathan comes back he has cleaned up as well, and he sees Nathan frown in concern when he sees him.

"It's nothing bad," he says.

"Fuck, yeah, that's reassuring," Nathan murmurs, but he gets close to him.

Gabriel takes a deep breath before he smiles. "There's a festival over the town tomorrow."

"Alright?"

"There's a festival over the town tomorrow," Gabriel repeats again. "And I'd like us to go."

Nathan freezes then, deer-in-the-headlights shock as he looks at him. It's only for a moment, and then Nathan frowns, not in anger, not really, more in confusion, but listening to him.

"It's on the open, so we wouldn't have to worry about feeling sick. And there shouldn't be much technology. Well, music, but we can stay away from any amplifiers, and some lights. And we can leave as soon as you feel like it's too much."

"You want to go," Nathan says quietly.

Gabriel sighs. "I do." It's not even so much for the festival, Gabriel thinks. While it would be good to be around more people again, it's what it'd represent for Nathan, for them, why he wants to go. Being able to go on a date, have a fun night out without having to fear someone might want to kill either of them. Maybe even convincing his boyfriend of dancing a little with him, although Gabriel is aware that that might be a little too much. 

But just getting the _chance_ to do so... 

Nathan looks angry-troubled which, in Nathanese means just troubled, and Gabriel refrains from sighing and instead he smiles at Nathan, reaches to comb his fingers through Nathan's now-longish hair.

"It was just an idea, Nathan. Maybe we can go next year, though?"

Nathan doesn't answer immediately and he doesn't relax, not really. He looks up at him instead. 

"We'll leave whenever I say?"

"Of course."

"Even if we've only just arrived?"

"We'll drink our pint and then go, if you want us too."

Nathan is still frowning, biting at his lips, but he nods. "Alright."

Gabriel almost asks him if he's sure, but he knows better: if Nathan said alright, even with his doubts, he's going to do it. So instead Gabriel pulls him over and kisses over his pouting lips until Nathan is smiling again, and again, and again, and they only stop when the smell of burnt roast is too overwhelming.

**

Gabriel knows, thanks to Arran, that the ever so nice White Witch population of Eckington made Nathan feel awkward and wrong enough since he was about five years old, and not much longer after that Nathan stopped going out with his family if he could avoid it which means that it's likely the first time in over fifteen years that Nathan has, willingly, gone to a town festival. 

It's not, Gabriel thinks, something that Nathan actively missed doing, not really, while at the same time it's something that, he knows, Nathan would have treasured, given the chance to have some more happy, care free memories with his grandmother and Deborah and Arran, which is one of the reasons why Gabriel is decided to make the most of it, even if it ends up being only fifteen minutes.

"Come on, let's look around," he says with a grin, squeezing Nathan's hand.

Nathan doesn't quite answer, already tense at the people around them. Gabriel pulls his hand, pays the fee for the entry and gets the tickets that grant them one pint each, much more interested in the food anyway. 

There's already plenty of people, and even with Gabriel's attempts of moving only through the edges of the crowd, it's almost too much, even for him, after the year and a half of quasi solitude. But when he asks Nathan he says 'fine', and when Gabriel gets them their beer Nathan drinks it slowly, looking around at the buildings, at the people. If not for the way he holds tightly to Gabriel's hand, perhaps even he would have bought his act. 

It's not until the sun is setting that Gabriel realizes that something is wrong: Nathan being quiet, especially in a situation that stresses him is nothing new, which is the excuse Gabriel allows himself for not having noticed the clench on Nathan's jaw, up until a man who has obviously had more than his share of beers trips against him and Nathan almost punches him.

"Nathan, wait!" Gabriel manages to stop him, ignores the drunk cursing them and instead focuses on Nathan's blown wide pupils, on how fast he's breathing, the clammy look to his skin to realize that Nathan is on the brink of a panic attack. "Merde. Nathan, you're okay. We're okay."

"I-I fuck-fucking know that," Nathan stammers, closing his eyes tightly and Gabriel looks around, trying to find an easy way for them to move.

"Why didn't you tell me you wanted to go?" Gabriel murmurs, not really expecting an answer.

"Y-you were hav-having a good time," Nathan says between gritted teeth. 

Gabriel, dismayed, stops himself from chastising Nathan and focuses on trying to stop him from a full blown attack, leans his forehead against Nathan's and holds his hands. "Nathan, you're going to breath with me, okay? Inhale... exhale. Good, again. Inhale..."

It always seems to take forever, but realistically Gabriel knows that it couldn't be longer than five minutes for Nathan's breathing to slow down and for some of tension to melt away. Gabriel feels Nathan lean more heavily against him for a moment as he sighs and he moves away a little, just enough that he can press a kiss to Nathan's forehead.

"Let's go home," he says instead and Nathan nods, letting go of his hands so that he can take a deep breath and move his hands in three big circles and Nathan slows down the time just enough for them to be able to leave without troubles, letting go of the time once they're at the outskirts of the town. 

Once out there, Gabriel takes hold of Nathan's hand again and gives a brief squeeze. "I'm sorry, I should've realized it sooner."

Nathan shrugs. "You're not my bloody nanny. It's not your fault."

Which Gabriel agrees, and yet... "... you should have told me it was too much, Nathan. I was having fun because I thought you were having fun. You don't have to sacrifice your well being for my sake."

Nathan doesn't say anything at first and then, very quietly. "You do."

"Pardon?"

"... I know I'm not easy to love," Nathan mutters, frowning, as he glares at the floor, tense again in a different way than before. "I know you stay with me because you want to, not because I'm forcing you. I'm not saying that you should leave me, fuck that. I know I make you happy. And you make me happy. You should have more of the things that you want, not just make do."

Which makes Gabriel wonder how could Nathan, or anyone, ever think that Nathan _isn't_ easy to love.

"I already have what I want," Gabriel stammers, pretty much certain that it's not possible to feel this happy, that he's going to somehow wake up and none of this will be real and at the same kind feeling the usual kind of anger when anyone talks bad about Nathan and no, it doesn't matter that it's the same Nathan who is talking bad about himself. He squeezes Nathan's hand until Nathan looks up. "Nathan, I've got _you_. That's... I'm not making do." 

And Nathan looks so unsure for a moment that Gabriel has to kiss him, has to show him that he means it, that this isn't Gabriel's worse-is-nothing situation but his happily ever after, the one he stopped believing existed after his little sister was killed. Nathan makes a sound against his mouth and he wraps his arms around his neck and kisses back with the same kind of intensity. 

"I love you," Gabriel murmurs between kisses as he presses Nathan against a stone wall to kiss him harder, repeats it in French, nuzzles against Nathan's neck and then bites on the strong line between his neck and shoulder, feeling Nathan shudder and gasp his name. "I love you, so, so much. Merde, Nathan..."

Nathan doesn't answer, not verbally, but he leans for another kiss, hands tight on Gabriel's hair and the sound he makes when Gabriel pushes a leg between his legs goes straight to Gabriel's groin.

Neither of them cares to stop kissing long enough to bother with their jeans, so it's just like this, rubbing against each other, gasping against mouths, necks, skin. He bites Nathan's shoulder again when he comes, and Gabriel hears Nathan murmur his name. 

He's still trembling against Nathan, ever so thankful for the wall against Nathan's back when Nathan looses his hold on his hair, combs trembling fingers against it. 

"I love you, too," Nathan murmurs quietly.

And it's not new, it's not the first or second time that Nathan tells him that he loves him, but Gabriel knows that he will treasure each and every single one of them. He kisses Nathan again, slowly this time, and Nathan sighs against his mouth, and their kiss turns into a softer one, and another, and another, until he makes Nathan huff a laugh when Gabriel presses small kisses all over his face.

"We could have waited until we were home," Nathan murmurs with a smile. Gabriel has to kiss him again so he can feel his smile against his lips, feeling the happiness tight in his chest, unable to know if it's the smile, how soft Nathan's voice is, or the way he says 'home'.

"We could have waited," he agrees, before he grins. "Or we can simply do it again once we're there."

Nathan laughs.


End file.
